Healing and hoping all things (entry no.38)

 Time is a funny concept. Especially when we associate it with people. Does time actually heal? Is forgetting healing? Or is it one of those kinda things where what you don't know can't hurt you. Shouldn't healing be accepting and moving forward rather than forgetting? Forgetting feels like a cop-out. It takes a much stronger person to hold memories and walk away than to forget the memories all together. I'm ok by the way, the only reason I bring this up is because I was browsing through the internet and found a video of Adele singing "Someone like you" while crying during a concert. She wrote that song years ago but it's so clear that she still remembers everything. You can see a thousand moments flashing through her eyes in a matter of seconds. Hence why I ask, is it possible to feel healed when you don't forget? What's the difference between healing and moving on?

In an attempt to answer that question, I would say that healing is moving on but moving on is not healing. When you are healed, moving on is a given cuz there is nothing holding you back. But if you move on while not being healed you distance yourself from whatever was causing you pain but the pain doesn't stop. Maybe it's dulled or you've gotten use to it, but it is most certainly there. So how do you heal without time and forgetting? I guess by replacing, replacing old friends with new ones, old hobbies, habits, and places with new ones. I've seen it work before. In fact it has worked for myself in the past. No one likes goodbyes but sometimes they are simply necessary to grow. However, it is necessary to grow with purpose, with goals and objectives in mind. 

Currently my objective is to survive my third semester of college. I don't even what to thrive in my program, I simply want to survive. Don't get me wrong, I understand that it is a privilege to be educated and I do intend to learn and gain knowledge in my program. However, education has never been a top priority for me, it's something I simply want to get over and done with. I'm doing it because I have to not because I want to. I am someone who tries her very best to honor her commitments. Therefore, that is what I am going to do, a pass is a pass, whether I finish with a 90% or a 60%, I am no longer picky. Not when I am this close to the end. On Wednesday, I had an 8 am exam, I definitely know I did not come close to failing it and that's more than enough for me.

Don't give your maximum effort to things that are not worth it. It's funny cuz that is so easy for me to understand when it comes to prioritizing tasks like schoolwork. However, it is so much harder for me to accept that truth when it comes to people because I refuse to give up on people. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Love never fails. So if whatever it was failed, it's safe to say it wasn't love. Anyways, this post was A LOT deeper than I thought it would be. I was gonna talk about a concert I went to and update you all more about my current college semester but I suppose that will have to wait until the next entry. For now I must go and study for yet another exam that I will take bright and early tomorrow morning. 

You're still here? Meet me at entry no.39 :)