Never forget that (entry no.22)

 I wanted to write an entry this morning but instead I drove to Walmart to pick up a few things before a family road trip. I also bought myself a one dollar ice coffee from McDonald's on the way home cuz I have no shame. I intend to milk summer drink days for as long as I can even if it's a complete rip off nowadays. Since I was driving by myself, I got to play my music which is very eclectic. I could play the same two songs over and over again and never get bored but those two songs could be completely different and I'll switch without skipping a beat. Currently I've been obsessed with "Defying Gravity" from the Broadway Musical "Wicked", it's such a powerful and heartfelt song. I love to belt it out at the top of my lungs but I can never do it justice, no one sings it like Indina Menzel.

So there I was, driving to Walmart at a red light with two young girls in a Range Rover beside me who were definitely judging me as I screamed "But nobody, in all of Oz, no wizard that there is or was, is ever gonna bring meeeeeee dowwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnn". Once those theatrics were over, I then proceeded to play "I Had Some Help" by Post Malone and Morgan Wallen which in case you didn't know is a country song. It goes hard when your driving a little too fast with the windows down I swear. Anyways, I went to Walmart, got what I needed, headed home to finish packing and next thing I knew me and my family were on the road. 

We just got to our hotel room not too long ago and I finally had time to sit down and write. Every day my mood improves a little more from the last entry I wrote. Something that has actually helped me a lot is deleting all my social media. Technically this blog could also be considered social media but let's be honest I'm kinda just talking to myself and you're watching me. Anyways, it's been a few days since I've deleted Instagram and Snapchat and it genuinely feels great. I'm surprised and proud of myself for not experiencing any withdraws, I guess I wasn't as attached to them as I thought I was. Comparison truly is a thief of joy and social media really had me comparing way too much.

I was so worried about what others were doing that I couldn't focus on being present and appreciating the good things in front of me. I wanted that to change, I didn't want to spend the rest of my break off of school worrying about things I can't control. Instead, I want to spend my time bettering myself and helping those around me. It's all baby steps but I'm determined to make this work. I want to be a better sister, a better friend, a better daughter, and better granddaughter. There truly is more happiness in giving than receiving and I was starting to forget that. I was giving and then lamenting because I was thinking of all I had lost rather than all I had gained. 

I'm still that girl in the pit with the ladder but I can choose myself while also choosing others. My side of the street is nicely paved and sometimes that's all that matters because the rest is out of my control. Maybe those frijoles cocidos will never grow but look at the rest of my beautiful garden of life. I probably sound crazy but the point is that there is always a reason to be happy and grateful, never forget that. 

You're still here? Meet me at entry no.23 :)

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